October 14th was a typical Friday afternoon for the kids as I was pulling into the Elementary School to pick them up. Sam isn't very fond of riding the bus so as an end of the week treat I often go get them, and save them from the crazy bus ride home.
Just as I found a parking space my cell phone rang and it was my Mom. Normally, I would have let it go and called her back, but the day before we found out my little Sister had cancer. We didn't know what kind yet. She went in to get what she thought was a cold that wouldn't go away looked at again. The X ray revealed a large mass in her chest. Needless to say my phone was fully charged and at my side from that point on.
I knew immediately that something was terribly wrong when my Mom insisted I come right away. Her cry was one of the saddest, most heartbreaking sounds I have ever heard. The sound of a mother who needed desperately to get to her child. We didn't know if my Sister was going to make it. What was supposed to be a simple biopsy of the tumor turned into her chest being cracked open and an all out operation to stop the bleeding from an artery that was hit.
I heard my mom's cries as she hung up the phone. There I stood in the school parking lot with buses whizzing by me and kids laughter and all the busyness of 3:00 on a Friday afternoon. I never felt so helpless. How would I get there fast enough? But I ran into the school, grabbed Sam, and composed myself enough to know I needed to be paying attention to my driving. God got me safely there. And He allowed my Sister to get through her surgery.
This wasn't the first time I got a phone call like this. It was just a couple of short years ago that my brother called me after his 2 year old son was diagnosed with Leukemia. They were putting Carter under for the first time for some tests he needed and he had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. They ushered my brother and his wife out of the room and my brother called me to pray, not knowing what was going on, and if his son was going to make it through. He had that same helpless cry that my mom had when she called me. God allowed Carter to make it through that too.
Last summer my Mom called me one muggy morning, asking me to pray for her neighbors. The Sheriff just showed up at their home telling them that their 16 year old son was in a head on collision and being flown to the hospital. My Dad was driving them there. On the way, they heard the news that their son did not make it. At that time, I was in the middle of a painting project. That project was never finished and is still sitting in my garage today. It seemed as soon as I got that news, all I felt I could do was sit and pray. Doing anything else seemed paralyzing.
I have felt the same way these past couple of weeks since getting the news about my Sister. And I have been thinking a lot about those phone calls the past couple of weeks. I have also been thinking about how when moments like these come, how important it is to know ahead of time, just who this God is that I am crying out to for help.
I am so thankful God has allowed me to be surrounded with and saturated with people and preaching and moments, that have shown me Who He is. My ability to write and paint and create lately seems to have completely diminished. I have had many thoughts and words floating around in my head, but no way to really get them out. Until last night, when I remembered these words from David Powlison in he and John Piper's article, Don't Waste Your Cancer . Powlison says,
"For every one sentence you say to others about your cancer, say ten sentences about your God, and your hope, and what he is teaching you, and the small blessings of each day."
As soon as I realized I needed to focus more on who God is in this newest trial in our family, and less on the cancer itself, it seemed easier to sit down and write.
"Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord." (Hosea 6:3)
So hear goes...this is what I know right now about the God who has designed this latest Cancer diagnosis in our lives...
1. He understands my burden. The Bible says Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with our grief. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.
2. He loves comforting me. ..."Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)
3. He is sufficient. "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:19)
4. He never gets sick of my cries and need for help. "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) As Paul Miller has said, "The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy."
5. He pursues me. "For he did not remember to show kindness, but pursued the poor and needy and the brokenhearted." (Psalm 109:16)
6. He is watching over me. "He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints." (Proverbs 2:7)
7. He delivers me. "You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the LORD your God brought you out."
(Deut. 7:19)
8. My tears are precious to Him. "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." (Psalm 56:8)
9. He is close to me, even when I may not feel it. "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)
10. His sovereign love rules over my life. "declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purposes," (Isaiah 46:10). .."in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." (Psalm 139: 16)
It is my hope upon hope, that Christ will be cherished and many will see His power and love in my Sister's cancer and say,
"Come and see what God has done, His awesome deeds for mankind!"
(Psalm 66:5)
(Psalm 66:5)
